28.8.06

A Thousand Years....Maybe More, Then Again Maybe Not


I generally tend to blog what occurs in my day to day SL life but lately I have been pondering random things. Things like friendships and relationships and the like.
I recently had someone ask me about my relationship with Erbo and whether or not it carried into RL. When I told them "No", they began to wonder how it was possible to do so. I explained to them that both Erbo and myself are happily married in RL and what occurred in SL stayed in SL. While it may seem impossible to some people it is something as I discovered later, occurs a lot more often than most people think. I have since run into another couple that have the same type of relationship that Erbo and I have, one that exists only in SL.
I think for this type of relationship to work both parties have to open and honest with each other and set ground rules about the relationship. Doing this prevents hurt feelings and ruined friendships in the future. It also prevents on person from taking the relationship too far and becoming psycho stalker type when they decide the want something more. This way they know in the beginning that there will never be anything more than friendship. It also gives you an idea of how far you want your AVs' relationship to progress and whether you want to have a full-blown RL type relationship or just play the field. It allows much more freedom for the character and the progression in the natural order of things and it also makes for better roleplay of the characters.
In my humble opinion I think that because Erbo and I had this talk it has been a lot easier to let out AVs have a more normal life and follow a natural progression in their relationship. The roleplaying between them seems more natural and not forced because we are not trying to figure out where things stand between us. I am not trying to figure out whether or not he has fallen for me in RL and the same goes with him about me. We both know that is not true and that we are comfortable with our real lives and that nothing in our SL relationship is ever going to transfer into our real lives. None of the psycho stalker bullshit is going to happen here. For us, that works and makes for a happy SL life plus it keeps us friends in RL and that is good too.

Now I am not jaded enough to believe that people do not fall in love over the internet, they do. And while that always does not work out for both parties sometimes it does. For the most part, in my humble opinion, I think that it occurs because ground rules were not set in the beginning of the relationship and either one or both parties took the relationship over into real life. It seems to me that while one person is busy falling in love the other person is busy playing the game. Without prior communication between the two parties someone is bound to get hurt in the future. A friend mentioned a person that he had and online relationship with who turned into psycho stalker chick when he explained to her that he was not interested in something happening between them in RL. She showed up outside his RL home and he had to call the cops. Not good, but this can occur when people don't discuss the ins and outs of what can happen in an online relationships. By not first confirming exactly where both parties want the relationship to go and whether or not they want it to bleed over into RL, both parties are setting themselves up for a bad situation if one of the parties turns out to be married in RL.
Another thing that people tend to forget is that some people are just portraying a character and might not be revealing all of their true self. In RL there is the possibility that the person you met in SL who is always the wonderful gentleman and very handsome could really be a female portraying a male character or the girl of your dreams could really be a man. These are all possibilities that come with falling in love online. What you find in SL might not be what you get in RL and that too can lead to heartache and pain as well as the destruction of what might have been a very good friendship. In all relationships I think that communication is key and that both parties should figure out where they want the relationship and look deep before they leap into anything.

But, this is all just my observations and opinions after talking to some people that I have met in SL. Others may have different views and that is quite alright, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. Right?

Dani

Yes, I am alone but then again I always was
As far back as I can tell I think maybe it's because
Because you were never really real to begin with
I just made you up to hurt myself
I just made you up to hurt myself
Yeah, and I just made you up to hurt myself
I just made you up to hurt myself
Yeah, and I made you up to hurt myself
And it worked yes it did
There is no you, there is only me
There is no you, there is only me
There is no fucking you, there is only me
There is no fucking you, there is only me
Only
Only
Only
Only

Only
Nine Inch Nails

2 Comments:

At 8/28/2006 11:20 AM, Blogger Erbo Evans said...

This is an excellent set of observations and one which I probably should have made in my earlier post on this subject. One of Erbo's Laws (the Fourth one) says, "To constrain is to protect," and the constraints on our SL relationship have done as much to protect it as anything else. It's also why I trust RL-you with being able to contact RL-me outside of the world...because we know it won't turn into a psycho-stalker situation.

 
At 8/28/2006 6:07 PM, Blogger Dani said...

Well I can say the same about you. :-) Even my RL-Hubby thinks highly of you. I find that they constraints really do make things a lot easier in the long run.

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home