This Is How A Heart Breaks....

Well, unfortunately it is official, and very sad. The memorial service is going to be held tomorrow at 2 pm SLT at the Darkwood Cathedral. I plan on attending but I am not sure what I will say if anything. I have one regret. That I never got the chance to tell him face to face how much he meant to me. I never got to tell him how proud I was to have him for my brother and how happy I was that he had found that special someone in Blue Skye. I know that he knows but I would feel better if I could have told him.
Death when expected from illness or age is hard but not as hard as sudden death. Sudden death is tragic and senseless and you feel the loss so much deeper than if you would have known it was coming. I know I feel this pain as much and a deeply as all who knew him, but it does not make the hurt any less. So we must all share in this pain and remember the good times we got to spend with him.
I myself feel as though I lived a lifetime with Chris and all of it was filled with laughter and love. I know he cared for me as much as I cared for him and that if there was a way for him to be here he would. He would have done anything for me and I would have done anything for him. Chris was a wonderful man who cared about all around him. I take it to heart that he would not want me to grieve but to smile at all of the goofy things he did and to live life for all it was worth. He would want me to continue to help others and love my friends and family to the best of my ability. He would ask that I keep an eye on Blue Skye and make sure that she is happy. :-) And above all else he would want me to LIVE.
So that is what I am going to do, I am going to live. I will always remember Chris and love him and maybe the pain will go away and maybe it won't but I will no longer dwell on it. I am going to move forward and remember the happiness that we had. I will always remember Chris and I will miss him but that is all. I am going to live for I have learned that life is to short to sweat the small stuff. Live like everyday it is you last!
Carpe Diem, Sieze the day and I will add, never let it go!
Fare thee well my friend, my brother.


Say not in grief "he is no more",

but live in thankfulness that he was.

Hebrew Proverb


At 8/05/2006 3:20 PM, Blogger Erbo Evans said...

Even hearing about the circumstances of his death second hand was hard enough, Love. I pray for strength for both of us, today and in the days to come.

At 8/06/2006 11:56 PM, Blogger Akela Talamasca said...

He had a first life. He had a Second Life. Why stop there? We can all look forward to seeing him in our Third Life.


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